Monday, 19 April 2010

Lost in Translation

Ok its been over a week since we landed ourselves in Nip-land. So far its been an intense experience. Even after this short amount of time I'm missing my family and friends soo much. While I have Carly and Max here and I'm making new friends I feel very isolated and like I'm adrift at sea. Most people here will stare at us as we walk down the street and we really are made to feel like aliens. Or maybe its just poliet people are obseving us because we're different. TBH I find myself staring at alot of the people here just because they're so well presented, or because I really like their clothes or because I too am curious about people who are different to myself. I come from a town where there are virtually no ethnic minorities so being surrounded by people I'm not used to seeing, while fine with me, is very different and I feel very out of my comfort zone.
I think this anixety and discomfort is making me behave like a twat I haven't been able to relax at all and I feel like I'm not being myself. I've had two nights since I arrived where I have been overly drunk and extreamly stupid. Whereas at home I was well aware that my tollorence for alcohol is low and my reaction to it is well...not good, over here I seemed to forget all that and last night everything went to hell. Nothing seriously wrong happened but I saw a video of myself and cried with shame. I had become everything I hate about drinking culture in the west. Loud, stupid and incoherant. For this reason I'm giving up drink for the forseeable future. Drink has never done anything good for me and it's finally hit home that it never will. In some ways I'm really glad that this has happend since one thing I wanted to gain from this experience was to learn more about myself and to become a better and stronger person.
Although I'm so thankful and so happy to be here right now I kindof feel like this isn't MY life yet. Like I have no place in this world yet, but then I keep reminding myself that it's only been a week and I should give myself a break. Even so I think I need to keep myself busy to stop myself from missing home so much so tomorrow I'm going to the job center and getting on it! I won't give up! Even though it's hard and part of me wants to run straight back to the UK I won't give up until I have given it my all!!


  1. You need to stop beiong so hard on yourself you'll do fine you always pull through and should just enjoy the atmosphere and not look too far into it :)

  2. i know it can be hard the first few weeks, but it does get easier, especially once you have settled more and have a routeen! can still drink you noob.......JUST DONT DRINK LOADS!!!!! One or maybe two drinks is not a crime.....especially drinking water with them too! Dont let Carly and Max edge you on to drink more.